Wednesday, December 30, 2015

How to tell if you're suffering from exhaustion

100% certain my brain has just stopped working entirely.

1. After talking with a repeat client  (as in he comes in the same time every month to pay his bill) for 40 minutes in my office, my thoughts drift to making mental notes of where he likes to go to ensure I'll never run into him in a public setting so I won't be trapped like I am currently in my office.

2. And then realizing you have an inordinate amount of creepy clients who specifically only want to deal with me when they come in, so I should probably make a list for Nick to give to the police (after they've ruled him out as a suspect because they always check out the spouse first, thank you Law and Order) should I ever mysteriously disappear.

3. But this post is also putting in writing the acknowledgement of clients who worry me so YOU'RE WELCOME FUTURE POLICE working on my disappearance.

4. If I ever did a comedy tour it would be titled "Plight of the Pretty People". And no this isn't a "oh I'm so gorgeous it's so hard to be beautiful and complemented constantly". I consider myself "average" pretty and by no means a prude because the books on my kindle would make you blush, but some of the comments made to me in a professional business setting are well over borderline inappropriate.
Actual Conversation with above mentioned repeat client (I'll keep it light):
Client: Have a happy new year and don't drink too much....but you probably won't
(side note #jokes, does this guy even know me? Obviously NOT)
Me: I will have all the drinks.
C: You have plans?
Me: Just home drinking on the couch in sweatpants.
C: Well someone has to come keep you company.
M: My husband and dogs will be there too.
C:  But your dogs can't drink.

My dogs however are 100% sleep experts. Except at 3 am
for bathroom breaks.
Yes sir please do ignore the husband comment and come keep me company as whatever shall I do drinking by myself?!

5. News headlines are talking about affluenza and I didn't get my flu shot so am I susceptible? Or do they have to look at your bank account to qualify because JK LOL

6. (While listening to Pandora via headphones at work) Advertisement for Trojan Bear Skin condoms. Which is weird because I didn't know they made Bearskin Condoms. And I am super grateful to be wearing headphones because awkward. I mean I knew of lambskin, but bearskin just seems wrong... and this ad is saying they're studded? With what like a Bedazzler? That seems excessive and possibly painful. OH ...BARE skin. That makes more sense. But the studs are still weird.

I need a break.